A Few Good Spanks…

…never hurt anyone, least of all a child. And I do believe that it is infinitely better than long lectures laced with sarcasm, threats or just plain tortuous length. Now this kind of a viewpoint could be highly unpopular in an age when children’s rights have become such a matter of concern and even one harsh word could be constituted as abuse. Well, if we want to raise a generation of namby-pamby, extremely sensitive, self-centred, thoroughly obnoxious kids, that’s fine. Otherwise maybe it’s time for parents to put their foot down and fight back like they did in New Zealand recently. Fight, not for themselves and their parental rights but for their children’s sake. Maybe we need to get back to the age of spanking – here are a few guidelines that come to mind.

Kids are like pups

They understand cause-effect. They do something they shouldn’t, they get a spank, they learn to try and not do it again. Otherwise they keep getting spanked like they learn. Very much like a rolled up newspaper and a pup. Repetition brings results in both cases. Children are simple and understand simplicity when it comes to correction – so let’s not complicate matters and confuse them.

Before the anger

Spank before you get angry when you spank to correct, not as a release for your frustration. At this point, once is usually enough. Once the tipping point is reached, you are not very often logical to know when to stop – so spank way before you get there. Never, ever slap, pummel, push, pull, shove, yell or abuse. Never. And there is no excuse for any leniency where that rule is concerned.

The bottoms are best

Soft enough to feel the pain so a lesson is learned but there’s no harm caused. Remember that young children have soft bones and you could easily cause damage if you hit them any and everywhere. Never, ever pull his pants down and spank him – you can correct a child without violating his dignity.

Keep in mind that spanking is done with an open hand, never a closed fist so it smarts but does not cause damage or break the skin.

Don’t expect instant change

Many children need to be corrected many times before they change. (The pup and the newspaper, remember?) How can you expect a little child to learn instantly? Try and spank the same way every time so he knows you are in control and you mean business. Don’t let the bully in you come out where you take the day’s frustrations out on your little baby. Some children learn very quickly, some take time – this could be genetic, maybe. So if you were a slow learner when it came to correction……

Don’t torture with talk

Lecturing them is like Chinese torture. You start and you’ll be doing it the rest of your life till they’re sick and tired of you. Act, don’t talk should be every parent’s guideline. Look at it this way – if men or women did it to their spouses, they would be branded ‘nags’ or worse, mental abusers. If you need to teach children about right or wrong, good or bad, keep it short. Remember, they learn by example much more than anything else. Of course you can talk to them at length – about the wonders of the universe, the beauty of the world around, about the incredible things to be found in books, about how much you love them. Lectures stunt a child’s mind – inspire them so they are always learning with minds that are ever expanding.

They’re children, not adults

Don’t talk to them like adults, don’t treat them as adults. Children feel secure within the confines of discipline. Set the limits and correct them when they cross it. As they grow, you might want to re-look at those boundaries and limits but when you do, make sure to let them know. In short, don’t deprive them of their childhood and make them grow up too fast. And please don’t ask them to understand you or your problems or your frustrations or what you’re going through. If you need to go to a shrink, do so – don’t burden your child with anything but child-friendly things.

Spanking ’n loving

They go hand in hand – you can’t really love a child and not correct him. You can’t spank a child when there isn’t a lot of hugging, loving and caring otherwise. When you’ve got both in perfect balance – a little bit of spanking and a lot of loving - that’s perfect parenting!

Do you think it’s all right to spank a child to correct him?

Do you think it’s wrong to spank a child?

Norman Rockwell (1894 – 1978) did 322 illustrations for The Saturday Evening Post magazine covers over forty years. This one of a mother spanking her child appeared on the November 25^th edition cover way back in 1933. One wonders what the mother is reading and what she’s thinking about? To spank or not to spank? Does the book say anything about it?

Give Us This Day...

Our daily bread comes to our doorstep in the morning. On a bicycle. The man who brings it is just one of the many vendors sent out by the many small old world bakeries that dot the city we live it. They’ve held on in the face of competition from the big guys and the array of different breads in the supermarkets. We don’t buy from him every day because I get enough for a few days and freeze but I do know people who wait for him every morning so they can have that hot, crusty bread for breakfast.

Maybe the loaves don’t look as symmetrical or as perfect as the ones in the stores but the freshly baked smell is to die for. Even when it comes out of the freezer, all you need to do is thaw it for a bit, slice and toast – and you’re in bread heaven! There’s a choice – small loaves that are soft and melt-in-the-mouth, crusty loves that are soft on the inside, puff pastry squares that are delicious with tea, flat breads that have such a wonderful flavour, buns with sesame seeds scattered on top and they taste divine with a dab of butter.

The thing is, how long will our bread man survive? Will the younger generation continue to buy from him? Or will he fade into a ‘the way things were’ memory? Will high-rise gated societies and huge supermarkets take away his livelihood? Whose responsibility is it to see that not only does he survive but keeps doing better? It just has to be our responsibility. I’ve realised that electing leaders and expecting them to do anything for anyone just doesn’t work anymore. Politicians are a number-crunching breed apart whose only worry is where the votes come from and how to get them. Not for them the headache of seeing that our taxes go to help the unfortunate ones amongst us. So that leaves us. And if we pull together, we can be a force to reckon with.

Why promote the small businesses around you? Because in the long run, it means you are shaping your surroundings to become better. By supporting people like the bread man and helping him earn his livelihood, it means his family eats better, his children get educated and they have enough to stay healthy and happy. Without that, what does a man do to feed his hungry family? Can you blame a man turning to crime?

When the oft-used phrase Think Global, Act Local was used in a business context, it meant that multinational giants were putting down roots at the local level to improve their bottom line. What we need is an upturning of that system. What we need are local roots that need to be nourished so we need to think local first. We need to become more aware, we need to spread the word and if need be, we need to make it fashionable to buy local produce and to encourage the small people in business around us. If we need things around us to change, we cannot wait for a faceless government to do it for us. We need to do it ourselves. So it empowers us as much as it does the ones at the grassroots levels around us. When we empower the microcosm, the macrocosm will automatically get better. Our positive actions with a local focus will only help us act better in a global sense.

For me, I’d be happy to continue seeing that smile on the face of my bread man and the many like him.

Why the majority MUST matter

For too long, democratic governments all over the world have followed a policy of minority appeasement and one wonders when a volcanic upsurge of reactions will happen. For too long, minorities have been seen as vote banks that can swing the results in favour of a particular party or candidate. For too long, the vast majority in most so-called democracies have remained a silent mass, mere mute spectators.

How long will this go on, is the question. Like an ocean that is usually calm, all it could take is one little shift way below the surface to cause a tsunami. And not taking into account the majority viewpoint is a tsunami waiting to happen. The burning question is, why do politicians do what they do and ignore the many to pamper the few?  The answer probably is that their priorities are short term. After all, winning an election is much more important than long term plans for the general good. If winning means divisive politics, so be it. Any problem that arises after that can be dealt with on a need-to basis. Or so they firmly believe. Sufficient unto the day is the success thereof.

The majority versus the minority can exist simultaneously on various levels in most countries. It could be a division along lines of religion, colour, class or castes, race or even age or gender. When it comes to the majority having to matter, the argument would be, wouldn’t that make it a totalitarian state? The thing is, in a totalitarian state, it doesn’t really matter. There are certain rules set and they must be followed, whether the original community is the majority or not. However, in a democracy, that isn’t the case. Elected representatives come into power because of the majority vote and they stay in power too often because of divisive policies that involve the minorities.

Religion is perhaps one of the greatest dividing factors. When minorities are indulged and the majority is made to feel their religious sentiments have been disregarded, there’s a simmering underbelly of tension that grows unseen. And then, one day, a little spark sets off a flagrant fire. Too often, self-styled leaders of the minority take advantage of politicians’ largesse and try and squeeze as many favours out of them. In the long run, this can only be to the detriment of the large number of the minority community which doesn’t really want to get into a conflict with anyone, least of all those who form the majority. It gets worse when the simmering resentment becomes apparent in slights, in nuances of speech, in a word or a look. This has the effect of the minorities bunching together for safety and the lines are drawn more sharply.

Why does it make sense to ensure that the majority’s rights are protected? Because then a government could be in for the long run. Too often, governments in power in democratic countries are voted out rather than voted in. If a party wants to be in there for the long haul, it might want to think about majority politics. When you keep the majority happy, you’ll find a more benevolent attitude towards the minorities and that augurs well for peace and prosperity.

When you break it down, it’s all about human nature. Let the larger group feel that they are being looked after and they will in turn be more tolerant of the smaller group. When the smaller group flexes its muscles, you can be sure there will be retaliation some day. Now a flexing of the muscles need not be a mere show of strength. It could be manifested in so many ways. By asking for special exemptions, for reservations, for tax deductions.

In most democracies, there has tended to be a kind of apathy when it comes to the majority and maybe this is why governments have gotten away with what they have. Flashing smiles, false promises and a great big ‘Pretty Please’ usually work with the ones who bestir themselves to go and cast their vote. It’s only when the majority wakes up and realises that while it is paying to keep the wheels of the country turning, it is being taken for granted and very often ignored, that the first rumblings begin. Astute politicians will hear and take note – unfortunately, most are too busy enjoying their new-found power to bother. All it takes is time for the rumblings to grow to a full-fledged revolution. Then, a ‘let them eat cake’ attitude will only fan the flames.

It’s time to think about what democracy is all about. It is of the people, for the people, by the people – the people who are in the majority. It’s time to realise they matter. They must matter before it’s too late.

Education vs. Learning

When so many of us agree that education is the key to freeing the mind, to solving most of the world’s problems, to making people from all corners of the globe come together, we also mean education in the traditional, conventional sense, maybe because we’ve never thought of anything different. Education for us means a teacher, a school, a set syllabus. perhaps time frames within which certain bits of knowledge or information need to be imbibed, digested and then displayed so we can be tested on our understanding. Maybe it’s time to change our way of thinking. In a world that is changing so fast, should our old ideas about education be the only way there is? Yes, there have been changes through the years in the way education has been structured and perceived but it was all done within a certain framework. Is it time to think out of the box? Sugata Mitra seems to think so and to prove his point, he’s been experimenting with new ideas over the last eleven years all over the world.

What seems to be emerging is that children have an innate sense of learning and that need not be within the narrow functions of education. Maybe what we need to do now is to give them the tools and the opportunities and set their minds free to learn what can be learned in the way that they want to learn it. It means leaving them to go out into the unknown and helping them explore and go forward to conquer new ideas and frontiers and even forge new paths to get to their goals. Pretty much like a guided tour as against a voyage of discovery. Maybe one would learn a lot more facts the first way but a lot more experience in the other.

Experiments like these amaze us who have been educated in the conventional way because it defies all logic – or rather, logic as we know it. If we need to facilitate a brave new world for our children, maybe it is time we took a step back after providing them with the opportunities. With technology racing ahead, it’s their world – a world they understand and grasp much better and much faster than we do. Maybe it’s time they started learning instead of being educated. Maybe it’s time we stopped putting boundaries to their boundless imagination and capabilities. Maybe it’s time we guided from behind rather than lead from the front. Maybe it’s time we cut them loose to discover rather than fence them in. Maybe it’s time.

Rememberer Resolutions

The old song went, “All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth’. All I was a-wanting was my rememberer back because without it, I can’t for the life of me even think of keeping any of those resolutions I made a few days ago. Oh yes, I made a list and checked it not twice but a hundred times, just to make sure I hadn’t repeated myself too often…. happens a lot these days!

A friend in the same boat, I might add, sent me something I thought summed it up so well. Our forgetters seem to be pushing our rememberers into the shade and nothing short of a miracle is going to reverse that tide. So is there any point making resolutions that I won’t even remember I’ve made at all?

Considering that I’m at the threshold of the dawning of the Age of Fogettererism, might it not be more prudent, not to say infinitely more practical, to leave my rememberer behind and enter with gusto into the new age? No vestiges of ‘what might have been’ to cast a shadow of regret on the road ahead. Just a joyful embracing of what is to come.

So I think I’m going to change a few resolutions around. Better still, cast out that list (Get thee behind me, I have no recollection of what thou containeth!), and begin with a tabula rasa. A clean slate that says it’s okay to forget. Onward forgetterers, may our tribe increase. Who cares what the morrow might bring? Que sera, sera!

In Our Little Garden

It’s just a little patch but we love it. It’s green, everything’s organically grown and we do get quite a bit from there to put on our table. Summer in Pune, the city we live in – three hours away from Bombay, India’s commercial capital – is dry and scorching. So it’s only the larger trees that survive – everything else becomes brown and dry. Fortunately, that lasts for just two months of the year. Then comes the rain in June, armed with a palette of the most incredible shades of green. Almost overnight, there’s a miraculous change and we wake up to a garden that has been painted with hues no human can match! The very air changes – filled with moisture, Nature’s great refresher….. and it’s time to plant and to reap.

We have a bit of this and a bit of that. My husband, who hates the ‘manicured’ look when it comes to gardens, loves it when everything springs up lush and full of life. We have a gardener who thinks the same – I swear I’ve heard him singing to the plants! So let me take you on a tour, to be followed in a few days with some of my favourite recipes using what we get from our little garden.

Going Bananas

A banana plant bears fruit only once. Once the bunch of bananas is cut, you need to cut down the tree. The great thing is, there are always three or four young trees that grow around the root so the garden always has a surfeit of banana plants. They need a lot of water. Everything can be used – from the leaves which people used to eat on – now used only in traditional wedding feasts, the flower which you find at the end of the bunch, the bananas themselves, both raw and ripe and the centre of the stem. 

Overflowing with Passion

Passion fruits hang in bunches like orbs – green at first, then a wonderful yellow. The flowers are lovely and the pulp inside is a bright yellow-orange. The plant is a creeper and you get quite a lot of fruits from one plant with a sweet-tart taste. It hardly needs any looking after – just a fence or tree to grow on. There’s a lot you can do with passion fruits. 

Custard Apple Treat

The fruits from our garden may be smaller than the ones we get at the stores but they are also sweeter. Not everyone likes to eat this fruit because it means ploughing through so many seeds. If you have the patience, you’ll find that it really is a delicacy. They’re best eaten when they are slightly soft to the touch. They’re great in desserts too. 

Pink with Pomegranate

This tree needs a lot of sun and you get plenty of fruit from a fairly small-sized tree. Our fruits don’t have the smooth look you see in the shop stores but they taste wonderful and can be used in so many ways.

Papaya – packed with nutrition

The fruits have just begun to appear and we’re hoping we get a good crop this year. Both the raw and the ripe papayas are used – one in curries, the other usually as a breakfast fruit. It is said to be a great digestive.

Delicious Chikoos

They’re known as sapotas in most other countries but here in India we call them chikkoos. They can be eaten as fruit or pureed and used to make fruit shakes and desserts. You should wait till they are fully ripe when they are sweet and delicious. 

The flavour of Bayleaf

Some use them fresh, most dry them a bit and use them as a flavouring. All one needs to do is to cut a small branch, leave it in the sun for two days, take out the leaves and store them. The Indian bayleaf is used extensively in curry powders and in biryanis.

Green Living

I don’t know what these spinach-like greens are called – all I know is that they are great in soups, as a vegetable dish and in salads. The leaves are slightly fleshly, the flowers are a lovely delicate lilac.

The other greens that we love are the leaves of a creeper called Ceylon spinach. We use a lot of the leaves in cooking. They’re great as a snack too – dipped in batter and deep-fried.

Drumming with Drumsticks

The drumstick or Moringa tree supplies us with so much more than something to put on the table. While drumsticks (they really do look like drumsticks!) make a great vegetable, the leaves are used to make a vegetable dish. More than that, the leaves are very useful to get rid of a fever especially in a flu attack. A decoction of the leaves is used as a preventive as well as to treat flu. Almost every part of the tree is used by traditional medicine practitioners. 

Seasoning with Curryleaves  

It’s what we use to temper our curries. A few leaves and a few mustard seeds. It has medicinal properties and is said to stave off infection.

The awesome Neem

We let the leaves that fall be – they’re the best pesticide ever. Skin irritation? Wash with an infusion of neem leaves. Dogs with bad breath? Give them a twig of neem to chew on – it also prevents worms. Put a few leaves in the rice or lentils you store and in cupboards to keep bugs away.

Seasonal stuff

We grow a bit of this and a bit of that as well – some of them seasonal. Okra or lady’s fingers, eggplant or brinjal, tomatoes, lemongrass, fenugreek, turmeric, ginger, bitter gourd, lemons, coriander, beans.

It’s great to be able to get so much from this little patch of ours. With the homes around us coming down and huge apartment blocks being built in their place, will our little corner last? One can’t tell. To live hemmed in by ten and twelve storey apartment high rises is not very appealing. Till that happens, though, we’ll just go on enjoying all the goodies from our garden. 

In the year 3012

Jabber watched the sun bidding the world goodnight from his penthouse apartment. First the change in the intensity of the light, then the change in colour as the brilliant ball of energy put on its evening veil and became a red-gold orb you could feast your eyes on. It rested on the horizon for a moment and it was as though its many invisible hands reached out to paint the sky above it in the most amazing hues. Then, with a fluid movement, it was gone. There was another burst of colour before the night drew its black velvet curtain over this part of the globe. In a few minutes, the stars would dress up the dark – how they loved to do their bling thing night after night.

For the nth time he wondered why he was different, why he was probably the only one who could stand and stare and wonder, why he had these flashes of strange images when he was alone and thoughtful. Were they dredged out from somewhere deep within his subconscious or were they images flashed into his consciousness from somewhere outside? Did anyone else experience them or was it only him? He daren’t ask anyone because it might just be his death knell.

The Wockys were one of the chosen families, part of the inner circle in this brave new world. In the 1000-year history of his world, everything worked, everything was predictable, everyone smiled because life was good. In the distant past, lost in the mists of time, there was an age when there was chaos and confusion. Then came a new world order and here they were today, the perfect number of people who walked the planet Brillig with no deaths and no births. All that was in the past once the slithy toves gyred and gimbled in test tubes and threw up the perfect prototype for the race that was. When they were little borogoves, they were still mimsy – Jabber was, too, as far as he could remember but as they grew, they put away childish things, outgrowing those mome rath days and becoming the epitome of perfection.

There were vague recollections however. He remembered how he had to go to the SynthLab often when he was young. None of the other children his age ever had to. Snippets of conversation came back to him.

“…traces of the old human genome…”,

“…only a matter of time before we totally delete it all…”

“ …he’s clean, My. Wocky!”

The perfect moon cast its perfect rays all around the building, dipping its silvery, sliver-like toes into the room as the curtains swayed and parted in the controlled generated breeze. Damn! There it was again. Those pictures in his mind – he’d learned how to hide his secret from the world, even his family. He liked what he felt, saw and experienced.

“A vorpal sword? What on Brillig is that?” he yelled as a clear image unfolded in his mind’s eye. There he was, in a garb that looked so unfamiliar, resting against a strange tree. “Why, that’s me being uffish!”

Then, as he shut his eyes, the centuries rolled back and he knew he had been here before. The Tumtum tree, the Jubjub bird and he, with his sword, fighting off his alter-ego. The one with the jaws that bit and claws that caught. One, two! One, two! The fire in those flaming eyes was doused forever, there in the tulgey wood. He could hear the chortling on that frabjous day as he came back, triumphant, galumphing back to glory.

Jabber Wocky knew it was time to go to bed and time to shut out these images from his mind. Images from before the beginning of the world as he knew it. From before the time when the ideal man was born in a test tube and the ideal population was decided by a plastic race that never fell ill, never aged, never died. A though came unbidden to his mind. “Never lived?”